Behind the Music...that Sucks: Death Metal

It all started long ago in a year known as 1983, a young 15 year old Bryan Warner, later known better as Marilyn Manson, found that normal metal didn't bother people over 30 anymore. So he decided to make it even louder. But first he needed a band. "It was real easy" Warner later recalled, "all I did was find some outcast middle schoolers, pay for 1 lesson, and that was all I did, it was so easy." All he needed was a vocalist. They soon found one: Cookie Monster. "As soon as I saw that audition tape I knew right away he was perfect." We here at Behind the Music that sucks have managed to find this audition tape, which you can view here: produced by Chad Portwine.



And so, the band Death, was born. Bryan Warner was the main songwriter. "We figured, why not make the most violent lyrics possible? And while we're at it, why not throw in the F-word every 2 or so lines?" Their material was so obscure that no copies can be found today. Nonetheless, they developed a small cult following among disaffected freaks and angry teenagers everywhere. But trouble soon brewed. The rest of The Jim Henson project known as Sesame street were getting disillusioned that Cookie Monster was spending more and more time with his side project, Death. Also, the band soon faced a lawsuit from another band, Death. They happened to spring up around the same time. Unfortunately, Death lost the lawsuit to Death. But, the band was highly influential, Cookie Monster started a style of singing that is still imitated today, and surprisingly, it doesn't require gargling razor blades. His experiences in the band, and being the main songwriter, helped turn Marilyn Manson into the freak he is today, and as for the other 2 guys with no musical talent, no one ever heard of them again. Nonetheless, they opened the door to future bands that no one has ever heard of. Although, we at Behind The Music That Sucks, got a chance to interview Chris Barnes, formerly of Cannibal Corpse. My words are in bold while his is in tiny little stick letters of death.

So tell me, how did Cookie monster inspire you?

I wouldn't be here without Cookie Monster, the day I heard his singing is the day I knew what I wanted to do in life.

What about the Musicians?

That was mind blowing to me, I mean, they all played something completely different, when the drums are doing one thing and the guitars are doing a completely different thing, you know?

Yeah. (picks up guitar, plays some random chords with no rhythm or anything)

That was really good, can I use that?

I didn't do anything

Sure you did. It sounds like something I'd play.

Hey, get that Goat out of here, there will be no sacrifices on my watch.

Aw, Comon.

No, I don't want your Satanic crap in here.

Alright, fine.

What do you think of Christian Death Metal?

That exists?

Yes, it does

Wow, that's surprising.

Can you tell me how do you play drums in Death Metal?

Oh, its easy, all you do is hit the drums as fast as you can, it doesn't matter what you do, theirs really no wrong way. Just slam the cymbals and bass drum alot.

Okay, then play me a blast beat

Alright.

(He stepped up to the drum set we had and started playing. Until the drumsticks flew out of his hands and went through the glass in the door.)

Ow!


Sorry!



From there, nothing much happened, all in all it was a pretty awkward interview. Of course, no one can beat the greatest Death Metal band to ever live, Slipknot.

People actually think harry potter is satanic.

So, katlyn (sorry if i spelled your name wrong) sent me that comment about snopes. I love snopes and decided to search around there some more, and i found a myth about an article on harry potter being satanic. People believed it, even though it was satire from The Onion. Seriously. Inspired, i decided to Google, harry potter is satanic just to see what i could come up with, guess what! i found a whole site dedicated to exposing satanism everywhere. seriously. and they have a whole section on Harry Potter! seriously! and they re serious! seriously! ok,ok I'm using seriously way too much, seriously. anyway it really does exist.

http://www.exposingsatanism.org/harrypotter.htm

I'm not lying, these people have too much time on their hands.

They highlight innocent things, they highlighted School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and have that as proof of satanism in harry potter. These people have no lives.

They also have Pokemon and Halloween as examples of satanism.

Examples of satanist or pagan holidays would be:

Easter
yule log
Christmas
Halloween
Marti gras

They state that Catholicism is a false religion, as well as Jehovah's witnesseses, Muslims, and many more.

They also believe digimon is satanic.

Also, rock music, including punk rock, and heavy metal, is satanic.

Look at what they say about country music 'Country and western musicians do not have lyrics that glorify satan. However most are talking about sex and who is doing who.'

what?

get a life, seriously

look at a link they have that says 'Modern electronic-rock music, inaugurated in the early 1960s, is, and always has been, a joint enterprise of British military intelligence and Satanic cults. On the one side, the Satanists control the major rock groups through drugs, sex, threats of violence, and even murder. On the other side, publicity, tours, and recordings are financed by record companies connected to British military intelligence circles. Both sides are intimately entwined with the biggest business in the world, the international drug trade.'

They believe this guy enough to link him?

http://www.av1611.org/othpubls/roots.html

Not to mention, they link to audio files of conspiracy nut case Alex Jones, and other ridiculous stuff and they refuse to allow you to download it because of "satanic trash" on the Internet, and you have to have a CD sent to you.

Also, psychics are satanic.

These people are crazy, go there and you'll see, that they have no life and are genuinely touched in the head. Also their serious, go there and see how serious they are later.