Professional Critics

Professional critics are for the most part, idiots who have no idea what their talking about. Take for instance, All Music Guide. And then take something which I've spoken of frequently before, say St.Anger. What a terrible album by a formerly great band (well, I guess not formally since the new album is actually good). AMG gave this 3 stars, which is the equivallent to a 6! Thats a hesitant thumbs up, that ridiculous. If you love low-tuned guitars, a drum with a terrible snare sound, a non-existant bass, no solos, and terrible compositions where the guitar is just an extention of the awful drums, this is it. I like the stuff Metallica did in the 80s, I have the first 5 albums (plus Death Magnetic) I don't have Load, Reload, and definatly not St.Anger. This is clearly nott the band that made Master of Puppets. But AMG doesnt think so, no, AMG does its typical idiocy. AMG uses alot of descriptions and nonsense to try to sound like they know what their talking about. So many descriptions. Useless. The fact they thought this was a decent album shows their idiocy in itself. To compare, listen Master of Puppets first, than listen to St.Anger. Compare the two songs, and I think you'll come to the same conclusion I did. But it's not just AMG, its the Rolling Stone. An organization run by very biased people who refuse to give anything not from their day (probably the 60s or 70s) a fair chance. It's not just music either, movie critics have no idea what ther talking about either. National Security, a hilarious movie i love, got a bad score. How can you not laugh at this scene? Movie citics don't know what good movies are. Professional critics don't know what their talking about. What the problem is?

Video and Song of the Week

King of the Hill is one of my favorite shows, someone made a soundboard, this is funny.

Hank Hill calls Home Depot




This is a good song, sorta stupid video, but it's a good song.

Jailbreak-AC/DC

Why can't schools be at night?

Why can't schools be at night? We wake up real early in the morning, and come to school tired and unready to learn. Schools should be at night. Like in Las Vegas, where they have night school for kids who work at all night casinos. And children of alchoholics can't sleep at night. Why not have school at night? It's a good idea. But they won't do it. Why? the government has a monopoly on public schools and they have no competition. Night Schools are a good idea. FACT!

Video and song of the week

I ride horses myself and I can say with certainty that this kid is an idiot. Also, they seem to just be trespassing on someone else's pasture or farm or whatever, even if this were his horses he'd still be an idiot. Though I'm kinda surprised he stayed on as long as he did, one thing that kinda disturbing is that they just laugh. Still kinda funny.


Stupid Kid



I'm not as much a fan of Megadeth as I am of Metallica, I don't own any albums, though I will eventually, but while they aren't as consistent, this is still a really good song. Skip to 1:13 for the music. In case you were wondering, the song (and video) is about aliens.

Megadeth -- Hangar 18

TV today

TV today is terrible. I love King of The Hill and The Simpson's (before it started sucking)but TV now is terrible, The Simpsons sold out and started imitating Family Guy, which in itself is a blatant knock off of The Simpsons, just much stupider, and King of The Hill is just plain not funny any more. Although the last episode was really funny, its not the same, seasons 1-3 were the best. Other TV isn't much better either. The history channel is obsessed with Hitler now, and all things World War II or the occult or supernatural or whatever. And the Discovery Channel is full of ice road truckers and cop shows. theirs more history on the military channel than on the history channel. I Still have Psych, which i feel is a show that is funny and is still good and shows no signs of slowing down. 24 is still good, despite the fact that its kinda out there and season 6 was all over the place, season 5 was really good. Oh, theirs also UFC. But other than that TV terrible as old shows die and new ones to replace it are sub par. For instance, they just canceled King of the Hill, which is going to be replaced by The Cleveland Show, a Family Guy spin off. I can't believe their cancelling King of The hill for that. TV is terrible.

Video and Song of the Week

I was going to post a video of a real trampoline injury, then I decided, why not this?

The Simpsons - Trampoline Nightmare


This time I knew what I wanted, but album version or some live version? After looking at about 6 videos and watching every single second of them to check for content, I found one, good but not the best preformance, and not comparable to the album version but my choices were limited.

Metallica Harvester Of Sorrow Live in Moscow '91



This concert also had AC/DC, Pantera, and two other bands, One was The Black Crowes, the other was EST. On a side note, I heard that because of the extreme security at this concert, 18 people died. Good performence though.

Behind the Music...that Sucks: Death Metal

It all started long ago in a year known as 1983, a young 15 year old Bryan Warner, later known better as Marilyn Manson, found that normal metal didn't bother people over 30 anymore. So he decided to make it even louder. But first he needed a band. "It was real easy" Warner later recalled, "all I did was find some outcast middle schoolers, pay for 1 lesson, and that was all I did, it was so easy." All he needed was a vocalist. They soon found one: Cookie Monster. "As soon as I saw that audition tape I knew right away he was perfect." We here at Behind the Music that sucks have managed to find this audition tape, which you can view here: produced by Chad Portwine.



And so, the band Death, was born. Bryan Warner was the main songwriter. "We figured, why not make the most violent lyrics possible? And while we're at it, why not throw in the F-word every 2 or so lines?" Their material was so obscure that no copies can be found today. Nonetheless, they developed a small cult following among disaffected freaks and angry teenagers everywhere. But trouble soon brewed. The rest of The Jim Henson project known as Sesame street were getting disillusioned that Cookie Monster was spending more and more time with his side project, Death. Also, the band soon faced a lawsuit from another band, Death. They happened to spring up around the same time. Unfortunately, Death lost the lawsuit to Death. But, the band was highly influential, Cookie Monster started a style of singing that is still imitated today, and surprisingly, it doesn't require gargling razor blades. His experiences in the band, and being the main songwriter, helped turn Marilyn Manson into the freak he is today, and as for the other 2 guys with no musical talent, no one ever heard of them again. Nonetheless, they opened the door to future bands that no one has ever heard of. Although, we at Behind The Music That Sucks, got a chance to interview Chris Barnes, formerly of Cannibal Corpse. My words are in bold while his is in tiny little stick letters of death.

So tell me, how did Cookie monster inspire you?

I wouldn't be here without Cookie Monster, the day I heard his singing is the day I knew what I wanted to do in life.

What about the Musicians?

That was mind blowing to me, I mean, they all played something completely different, when the drums are doing one thing and the guitars are doing a completely different thing, you know?

Yeah. (picks up guitar, plays some random chords with no rhythm or anything)

That was really good, can I use that?

I didn't do anything

Sure you did. It sounds like something I'd play.

Hey, get that Goat out of here, there will be no sacrifices on my watch.

Aw, Comon.

No, I don't want your Satanic crap in here.

Alright, fine.

What do you think of Christian Death Metal?

That exists?

Yes, it does

Wow, that's surprising.

Can you tell me how do you play drums in Death Metal?

Oh, its easy, all you do is hit the drums as fast as you can, it doesn't matter what you do, theirs really no wrong way. Just slam the cymbals and bass drum alot.

Okay, then play me a blast beat

Alright.

(He stepped up to the drum set we had and started playing. Until the drumsticks flew out of his hands and went through the glass in the door.)

Ow!


Sorry!



From there, nothing much happened, all in all it was a pretty awkward interview. Of course, no one can beat the greatest Death Metal band to ever live, Slipknot.

Mike Bauer of The Washington-Missourian

You might have read about Mike Bauer, he's a highschooler who writes for the Washington-Missourian in the "My MO" section. But here's the problem. He writes about the same stuff I do. Except he does it badly. I don't know him and I'm not a regular reader, but what is this? He makes me and people like me look bad quite frankly. My posts have 10 times the quality his columns ever had. Now if he reads this, I'd be delighted to have him as a co-author. But nonetheless, let me run down the substandardness of his disorganized non-sense. This guy always switches topics within a few sentences. In his January 16 column discussing the economy he switches from Governor Rod Blagojevich in one sentence commenting on his haircut in one sentence (really, it was one sentence), to a Chevrolet ad he saw next to a test he was taking, going on to gas prices, then in advising people to save money in tough times (He's what? 2 years older than me? I bet he knows all about tough times), he goes on about drive thrus and not buying a soda there then back to gas prices, then talking about how using your cell phone at school to check the time can somehow effect the electric bill at your house and telling you to get a watch, not an expensive watch, mind you, "just one that lets you know what time it is." I guess he's never heard of a clock. Then he moves on to how, when you go to a Cardinals game, you should check the outside vendors for food, instead of buying it inside because its cheaper. This is in one column about the economy. What is this nonsense? People read stuff like this to get away from their problems. This guy is always changing the topic. Why?? Stay on topic, seriously. Maybe we just have different styles, wait a minute, no we don't. In writing quality opinion pieces, there is only one way. THE RIGHT WAY! This guy is all over the place. With things that no one cares about. At least I take time to think of interesting topics. Not something you hear everyday. He says he writes about sports, pop culture and stuff that annoys him. But he's writing about the economy. That has nothing to do with any of that. The economy isn't a sport, a pop culture phenomenon, or annoying, its troublesome, but not annoying. He should be writing about pens at the post office and NASCAR, but at the same time he shouldn't because those are mine. (Well, to be fair, the NASCAR one isn't entirely my idea, 62365 thought of it first, but i took it an made it made it my own, so to speak. And JamesNintendoNerd got the pens at the post office, but I expanded if i recall, besides, everyone looks up to him *Nostalgia critic*cough*Irate Gamer* but I made them mine to an extent.) This guy needs to organize his thoughts. Alot of the time, he barely writes 2 sentences about a topic. Now, I've had 2 occasions where that happened but at least I padded it out with alot of filler that was vaguely related to the topic at hand. His column isn't amusing, in fact, I find it somewhat annoying at times, although he usually has about 1 good point among his sea of garbage. Later.

Video and Song of the Week

I cant hunt for videos today since we got a "fair access policy" on the internet, but I found something thats funny.


Hilarious Wii Accident




After spending about an hour and a half searching for a song that I like that dosent have "embedding disabled by request" on it is a pain, I finnally found something when i remembered it. Ita A Rage Against the Machine parody. It makes fun of their style. Unfortunatly, I couldn't get the hilarious music video to go along with it, but I have the song, I'll post a link to the hilarious music video, which you can watch here.


I'll Sue Ya - Weird Al Yankovic