Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Albums you must stay away from

Since I did albums you must have, why not albums you must stay away from? I'll tell you what not to spend your money on. These albums make Guantanamo bay look like a vacation. These albums are the worst combination of sounds ever created by man. These albums should have never even been made. Never, ever, ever even think of buying these albums ever. I haven't heard these entire albums, I don't need to, i get a few songs in before i cant stand the "music" anymore. But i don't need to, what I've heard is proof enough.

I've referenced this album many times before on this site. So I'll go into more detail about it. The production; terrible; the music; awful; the lyrics; a 5 year old could write more intelligent lyrics. This is a very, very poor attempt to get back to their roots. Thankfully Death Magnetic was much better and came close to succeeding, but i hardly ever listen to it any more because of its extreme over compression. Anyway, let me list off why this is so terrible. First of all, the drums sound terrible, the snare especially sounds like trash cans inside a empty metal dumpster. They tuned the guitars all the way down to C making them all guttural. It sounds like Nu-metal. Now, I kind of like the guitar sound, but seriously, play them in the right order. These aren't riffs. Fingers go up the neck, fingers go down the neck. That's it. The lyrics are so stupid, but not only that they repeat them over and over again and pound them in your head. The songs don't flow at all. The other instruments are often buried under the terrible drum sounds. It seems like if he bangs on them even louder it'll make a better song. It does the exact opposite. Also theirs no solos anywhere on this album. Why?? It sounds as if Kirk Hammett just gave up trying. Their are only two moments on this album that would even qualify as being listenable to the human ear. The intro to the title track, which sounds kinda cool until the singing starts. That intro is the only good part of the song. And "Frantic"; does it suffer from extremely stupid, unbelievably repetitive lyrics? Yes. Terrible snare sound that overpowers everything? Yes. Guitars that do almost nothing? Yes. But is it the best song on the album? Yes. Its listenable. and that says alot on this album. On another note, this is from the band that made Master of puppets? Seriously. Its unbelievable how much they declined. Thankfully, the next album was much, much, much better. If your at the store and you see this album. Don't even think of buying this. I wouldn't even take this if they gave it to me for free. Absolutely horrendous abomination.

Cut The Crap-The Clash
Ah yes, the clash, a staple of classic punk. Except this, this was their last studio album. Good thing too. Its hard to find a bigger joke then this from a formerly respectable band. The songs have random, inappropriate boing, ping, thwack and other ridiculous sounds that drown out everything else half the time. They got rid of their drummer and replaced him with an ultra fake sounding drum machine. There are a million cheesy 80s synthesisers all over the place and the guitar has a slicked over pukeish sound. The chorus's always have like 100 people singing it with no singing voices that probably got pulled off the street. This is a complete joke. Now to be fair, even though "This is England" has all those terrible things, their are less ridiculous noises and its a decent song. But other than that. This album is a bunch of vomit random 80s noises that should never be listened to by any creature in the universe. What idiots made this? Seriously? Did they honestly think this was good? An exaggerated but true example of how mainstream pop music can absolutely destroy the sounds formerly known as music.

Marti Gras-Creedence Clearwater Revival
Here's another example of a formerly great band sucking badly before breaking up. So after the rhythm guitarist left the other band members wanted to get more song writing in, except your John Fogerty and you almost single handedly are CCR, you write all the music and lyrics and you could probably play every single instrument with little to no change in musical quality. But you let your remaining band mates write and sing on some songs. Except they are absolutely terrible at writing songs and cant sing to save their life. One has the range and charisma of a monotonous drone. Another just sounds plain terrible. The songs would suck even if they wernt sung by these people. If you can find a worse hoe down song than "tearin up the country" I'd like to hear it, or maybe i wouldn't. This is one of the worst examples of a rock band going country I've ever heard. Thankfully John Fogerty does sing on some songs. They arnt quite up to the standards of their earlier material but they are honestly decent songs. Truly the last breath of CCR. For some reason these ended up on
Chronicle but "Born on the Bayou" didn't why? If you are ever going to buy a CCR album, don't buy this one ever. I recommend the greatest hits contemplation Chronicle volume 1. Their studio albums are filled with a few hits surrounded by airless blues jams that go nowhere. Until Cosmos Factory they weren't good at it. But since 7 out of 11 songs on that are in Chronicle you might as well get that. It made my "albums you must have" list, which you can read if you scroll down some. Bottom Line; Stay away from this.

Van Halen 3-Van Halen
I love Van Halen back when they had David Lee Roth (Still do i guess since he came back). Then Sammy Hagar came and ruined it. But this is worse. This has Gary Cherone. He sounds terrible. Really. I cant say it better so I'm going to quote Brad from Brads Completely Useless Record Reviews. "What does it sound like, you ask? Well, picture Sammy Hagar at 80 years old. With laryngitis. And LUNG CANCER. That’s what Gary sounds like." and he also said "...it feels like someone has taken a large piece of sandpaper, stuck it inside my ear, and started grinding it violently against my eardrums. It’s AWFUL. If one looks solely at vocals, this is the by FAR the worst album I’ve ever heard, and it has no real competition." That's nuff said. Don't buy this album. Start with the self titled Van Halen or a greatest hits contemplation. Not this.

Some bands to stay away from entirely:

Limp Bizkit
Godsmack (complete rip-off of Alice in Chains)
Linkin Park
The Naked Brothers Band
Hannah Montana
Fallout Boy


Anonymous said...

Hey have you heard that they're coming out with Guitar Hero Metallica?? yep.
BTW I loved ur really long music blog.

Jacob said...

Thanks, and yes, I mentioned that in my guitar hero world tour review, its gonna be awesome seeing how much of a Metallica fan I am, and its gonna have an Alice In Chains song in it, so even better.

Jacob said...

O yeah, forgot to mention, i feel i just scratched the surface, im probably gonna do a part 2.